oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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