Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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