You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
