I smell stomach acid.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
