Porn is love you can see.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
