I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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