Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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