I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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