Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
