I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
