I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize