One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
