I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
