he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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