Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
