Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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