just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
