I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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