Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
