My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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