I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
