I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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