I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
