She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
