I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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