and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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