I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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