Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
