My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
