I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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