Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
