oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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