ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
