I didn't shave. On purpose
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
