no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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