The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
