Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
