like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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