He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
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If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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