That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
