dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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