Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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