I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
