He uses pillows to masturbate.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
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I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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