it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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