So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
