i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
