I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
