I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
try to milk me bitch
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