i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
