she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
