This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm passing your future prison.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
