im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
send nudes
from the living room?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
