I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
