we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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