the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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