hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
