Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
